dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
