i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
