I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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