Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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