Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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