is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
