I want to make a zoo with you.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
