Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
