Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
