im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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