when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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