I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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