In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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