overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
And then he peed in my hair
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