I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
