a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize