thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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