I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
