Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
