i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
