please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
