Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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