if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
