That's intense
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
