Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
