Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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