he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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