i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
