hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
