a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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