I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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