He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
