why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
