All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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