He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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