literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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