the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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