The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
