i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
