He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize