i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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