I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize