I just saw a hot homeless man
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He felt like a one man threesome
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
