Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
