it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
