when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
