i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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