Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The ass gains better be worth it
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
