I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's blow job season.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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