he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
