chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
babies were throwing up all over the place
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
