I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
