She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
