You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
where does the pee come out of this thing
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
