why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She told me I should be a condom model.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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