I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
