She said her name was "party"
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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