Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize