could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
