2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
COCAINE IS GR8
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
