So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
