the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My vagina just recognized that song.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
