please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
