I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
