Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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