Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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