fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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