Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
