Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
