we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
