Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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