I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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