I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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