We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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