You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
