you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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