and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
