We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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