Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Still dying that you shit outside
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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