I will die if light touches me.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
