Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
