sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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