Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
