Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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