Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
