we're blogging at a bar
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
