My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
