we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
