Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
