The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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