So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
