I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
