Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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