I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
