need another drink. this is the easiest way
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
