Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
