My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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