why didn't you poke me back
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
