I'm really into asian looking animals
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
